Wnba Hopeful Gifts

"I'm running away to join the W.N.B.A."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

'Wow! That's some growth spurt!'

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

Midnight Basketball

Mr. K's essay is such a drag! Yeah, but I've got to do really well. Twig! You're such a grind! Am not! Life isn't only about grades. I know! But he's directing the spring musical. And my singing won't get me the part all by itself! English: Gateway to the Grammys.

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Top Ten Hit

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

I'm trying out for the spring play. You'll be great! Ha! You'll be grateful to be an usher, Meryl Creep. Yeah. The good parts go to real actors. Sigh. The arts are sooo uplifting.

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Not The Real Me

"Behind the back, between the legs, around my disappointed parents, nothing but net."

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up... Can I have your autograph please?'

'When I grow up, if I don't become a pro basketball player, about about 'spin doctor'?'

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."