Future Hoops Star Gifts

'Don't worry, Mikey. Lots of kids fail to get drafted into the NBA right out of sixth grade, and they go on to live happy and fulfilling lives.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

'Wow! That's some growth spurt!'

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

Exercising

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

Mr. K's essay is such a drag! Yeah, but I've got to do really well. Twig! You're such a grind! Am not! Life isn't only about grades. I know! But he's directing the spring musical. And my singing won't get me the part all by itself! English: Gateway to the Grammys.

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

Runt! You'll never make the team. We'll see! You can't even tie your shoelace! Great technique!

Midnight Basketball

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

Future Wrestler

'I won't bother to bath Mum, we're playing again tomorrow!'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Top Ten Hit

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

"I'm running away to join the W.N.B.A."

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

Not The Real Me

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

"Behind the back, between the legs, around my disappointed parents, nothing but net."

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."

'We're going to insist that he at least finish kindergarten before entering the NBA draft.'