Hip-hop Hopeful Gifts

"No-chance the rapper"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

"Obviously, I can't fly like you, but if you teach me, I can probably sing like you..."

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

Hollywood or bust!

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

Welcome to Hollywood

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

"In this business the ball takes funny bounces. I got you a recording contract."

"Hear me out. Batman - again."

I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it? No. What if I drank scotch and smoked a cigar and listened to vinyl records and grew a big lumberjack beard? It's what all the hipsters are doing. You're not a hipster. I'm at least a kneester. At most you're a keister.

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

Live the Dream!

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

"It's a battle of wills - I'm refusing to do anything for his 'funny cat videos' web page."

"I'm sorry. We don't want a ring-tailed lemur. We want a ring-tailed-lemur type."

Oscar Victory

"Sure, if this was New York, I'd be your editor and you'd be the author - but this is L.A., so I'm your agent and you're the whatever."

"That's enough therapy. From here on out, I think I could do a hell of a lot more for both of us as your agent."

"Wait a minute... You're not Warren Gurkenman the famous actor, but his stuntman?!"

"Well, Clive, what I REALLY want to do it wait on tables."

"Hallelujah, I'm a believer!"

'We have the ideas for product placement and now all we need is the script.'

'He's even better when he takes the cue out of it's case.'