Honeymoon Humorists Gifts

Honeyhuman Suite

'Hello - Tech support?'

"I'm just pricing this second honeymoon you've been on about. . . were you thinking of tagging along?"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'He does.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

The Aisle

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'