Homefront Humorist Gifts

"Oh, are you attacking from home today?"

Working from home.

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"Take me to your Larder!"

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

I fart more than that!

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

'She'll never look for me here.'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

A Venus cow trap.

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"There goes our early night."

"Just the slippers is fine!"

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'I think that our next door neighbor might have lived here.'

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.