Homebound Legislator Gifts

"You're in my spot."

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

Man Dreaming Of Australia.

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

"'What I wanted to do, but could not, during my socially-distanced summer vacation this year'..."

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

'Be right back -- I have to sign some ennobling legislation.'

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

The ways and means committee reaches the tipping point.

Beware of the Legislation

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

'I know we can't repeal the laws of nature, but I don't see why we can't amend them a little.'

Welcome to Washington, D.C.!

The Second Amendment - The Right of Not-TOO-Obviously Insane nut-jobs to keep and bear . . .

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

Lisbon Treaty.

'I wouldn't put much faith into Senator Bludgeon's promise to immediately begin investigating the competition. After all, it takes 30 days just to make instant coffee in the Senate.'

Gun Control Rally

'Some democrats and Republicans sat together at the state of the union.'

What comes after a trillion

"He just doesn't know what to do with himself since he got elected to Congress."

'This isn't an easy business- you have to stoop low and be high-handed at the same time.'

"Welcome to Alabama. Pro-life at birth; not so much after that."

Roles of Government

Trumpcare is buried by the House and Senate while Obamacare remains alive.

"I don't think we can take 10,000 lakes as collateral."

'Lobbyist for 'Big Sugar' is here to see you, congressman. . .'

"Listen, everybody; as a special treat, David will now read us several of his recent letters to The New York Times, chiding them for criticizing Israel."