Armchair Lobbyist Gifts

Theresa May's Brexit Deal

"Good boy."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"HR-bill 9495. Cutting down non-profits."

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

They're Not Just That Into It

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

Oligarchy

Israel/Palestine Conflict

Political convention

Gun laws US

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

"It looks like a perfectly balanced system to me."

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

"It's time to get politics out of money."

'Everyone distrusts spin. . . so let's go back to old-fashioned lying.'

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

'That's correct Shaun. The government is comprised of 5 branches...the executive, legislative, judicial, lobbyist and media.'

"Don't worry! He's totally changed..."

"If we gave them press freedom they'd only want democracy too..."

'We will not be disarmed by gun control! We will not be stripped naked and left at the mercy of a tyrannical government!'

We have a dream....

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

The continuing adventures of Rex, Washington DC insider.

Best Seller in Washington D.C.: Politics for dummies

COP26

"Do you take dark money?"

Automatic Congressman

'...It's O.K. hon', it's just the third world.'