Armchair Politicians Gifts

"Everything I have to say about politics, pal, I say on the internet."

Do you think it's safe yet, Randy? No. Little buddy, I don't. But it's been like three months since the election. Give it a few more. I'm afraid I have to concur with Randy. I say give it a couple years. I demand entry! I promise not to inform you the country has fallen off the precipice!

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

They're Not Just That Into It

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

Israel/Palestine Conflict

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

The intellectual.

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

'...It's O.K. hon', it's just the third world.'

Militant Pacifists

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

EU

'War protestor': 'Oh no! Not this again...'

'Voodoo economics was bad enough, but this voodoo foreign policy....'

'Which channel would you like to tut at tonight?'

Uncle Mort, you fought in Korea, right? You think that war will start up again? Not if I can help it. It was the morning of July 27, nineteen hundred and fifty-three. I was pinned down on Pork Chop Hill. My bazooka had run out of ammo. All I could find to load into it was a stuffed panda bear. I loaded it and fired that bear into the maw of the enemy. It struck one of them atop the noggin. Moments later, the armistice was signed. Every July 27th, I awaken at dawn and chuck that same panda at the

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

"We're at the Grand Marina Hotel in Barcelona. Some sheepdog you turned out to be."

Lisbon Treaty.

"Honey, come quick! I think I just bought Greece on Ebay!"

'The people who've been running our economy say we don't have to worry about global warming.'

"C'mon, Hillary – just answer the question!"

Famous Pieces of Paper

"Italy's national debt runs into trillions. How do you repossess a country?"

Campaign 2016

"Listen, everybody; as a special treat, David will now read us several of his recent letters to The New York Times, chiding them for criticizing Israel."

Gladstone Gives Disraeli a Bloody Nose over Schleswig-Holstein

More Excuses to Stay in Afghanistan

"I'm starting to wish we'd never bought him that thing."