Lawmakers Gifts

"Meaningful gun laws. . . ? Why, er, um, sure! Just let me reach into my magic hat. . . !"

'Commons Bar' - "I would never vote to bring back flogging...why should criminals get for free what MP's have to pay for?"

Gun Victims: Same Old Crap

"Still, you gotta admit, Congressional salary plus combat pay is pretty sweet."

One of the problems with convincing lawmakers of the need for rural broadband access...

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

'Hanson - committee of four.'

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

'Be right back -- I have to sign some ennobling legislation.'

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

'It may not be our usual business lunch, but it will sure impress the hell out of the budget committee.'

'There's an absence of leadership in this authority,we need to explore the possibility of thinking about setting up a sub-committee to look into it.'

'Okay, let's go over this again: You tell me your great ideas, I repeat them back to you, then you tell me I have a great idea and I get all the credit for it!'

"There's no need to go round the table - I know who I am."

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

Beware of the Legislation

The ways and means committee reaches the tipping point.

Worthless B*****ds

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"

Plain English group.

'I know we can't repeal the laws of nature, but I don't see why we can't amend them a little.'

Welcome to Washington, D.C.!

The Second Amendment - The Right of Not-TOO-Obviously Insane nut-jobs to keep and bear . . .

"The vote is tied. Half of us think the proposed plan is astoundingly asinine, and the other half finds it stupid beyond belief. Let's try to find a middle ground here, people!"

"The Board just wants to be sure you're well supported."

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

"He just doesn't know what to do with himself since he got elected to Congress."

'Lobbyist for 'Big Sugar' is here to see you, congressman. . .'