Home Safety Innovator T-Shirts

'We got tired of being broken into!'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"Yes, we now have smart mirrors that can read your mood."

'New normal' family life

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

"I've invented the fire extinguisher."

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

Beware of the dog.

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

Stun-gun target practice.

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

'Is your house baby-proofed?'

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

"Did we turn off the stove?"

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

"We have so many security cameras, the doormat says 'Say cheese' instead of welcome."

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'