Home Safety Innovator Pillows

'We got tired of being broken into!'

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'New normal' family life

"Yes, we now have smart mirrors that can read your mood."

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

Beware of the dog.

"Let's pick up our cars now, 'kay Puddin'?"

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

"I've invented the fire extinguisher."

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

Stun-gun target practice.

'Is your house baby-proofed?'

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

"Did we turn off the stove?"

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"

Beware of Dogs

Little Did She Know