Home Repair Jokester Pillows

'Ralph, the toilet is overflowing.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'No it's still not fixed'

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

How to Build a Bungalow

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"Nice try Kevin, but you've put all your laundry into the dishwasher!"

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

Wallpapering 4

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

We're with the gutter cleaning service ….

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

Oh, yeah, we love having a walk-out basement.

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

"It's important to fix the horn because the brakes don't work..."

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

"So I said 'Would it kill you to do a little yardwork?'"

'That must be the termite inspector.'

'You called a plumber!'

"I'm charging extra to remove the duct tape you thought would work."

'I forgot to close the door?...Seriously? Who puts a door on a hole?'

"I keep hearing a knocking noise."

You can't beat a nice bit of skirting!

"Thor, honey, have you nailed that picture up yet?"

The ice maker is leaking. Nothing can be done about that now. It's water under the fridge. F and E Plumbing.

Penguin emerges from freezer. Man says: 'This freezer needs defrosting.'