Home Improvement Humor Pillows

Wallpapering 4

'Yes, we do have special handling for dissatisfied customers.'

'Not only can I get rid of your shingles; I can get you a great deal on vinyl siding from my brother.'

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

A cock up of builders

'No it's still not fixed'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

How to Build a Bungalow

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

"So I said 'Would it kill you to do a little yardwork?'"

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

'That must be the termite inspector.'

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

'Have a nice day, dear. . . no need to get up and make coffee.'

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

"We'll take it."

'I forgot to close the door?...Seriously? Who puts a door on a hole?'

Other uses for boa constrictors: weather strip boa.

'The developers of this flu vaccine can't explain it, but its only side effect is that it may cause your HVAC system to go hay wire for a bit.'

"Thank God he was wearing a safety helmet."

You can't beat a nice bit of skirting!

Tools for fools; A panel saw made of sponge rubber.

Penguin emerges from freezer. Man says: 'This freezer needs defrosting.'