Home Repair Comedian Pillows

"I did replace it...with another broken light bulb!"

"My sink drips, my shower runs. And my tub dribbles. I've got more leaks than the White House!"

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'No it's still not fixed'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

How to Build a Bungalow

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

Wallpapering 4

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

"The piano's in tune, but the house is a little flat."

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

Oh, yeah, we love having a walk-out basement.

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

We're with the gutter cleaning service ….

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

"So I said 'Would it kill you to do a little yardwork?'"

'That must be the termite inspector.'

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

'I DO NOT pamper the dog - Now get out of his chair!'

Snowman in the Freezer.

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

'You called a plumber!'

'I forgot to close the door?...Seriously? Who puts a door on a hole?'