Home Safety Comedian Pillows

Terror in the Kitchen

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

"You overwatered the plant, again."

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

Fire door.

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'No it's still not fixed'

"I forgot to turn on the alarm." "It's all right, Peedy is there."

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

How to Build a Bungalow

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"The piano's in tune, but the house is a little flat."

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

Athlete

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

"So I said 'Would it kill you to do a little yardwork?'"

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"

'That must be the termite inspector.'

'You called a plumber!'

'I forgot to close the door?...Seriously? Who puts a door on a hole?'

"Okay scouts, that ends today's online soldering session!"

Other uses for boa constrictors: weather strip boa.

Tools for fools; A panel saw made of sponge rubber.

Penguin emerges from freezer. Man says: 'This freezer needs defrosting.'