Home Disaster Humorist Pillows

'You called a plumber!'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"You overwatered the plant, again."

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'No it's still not fixed'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

How to Build a Bungalow

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"Find out who's got the licensing rights for this Armageddon thing and get them on the phone - quickly."

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

Suez Canal Curse

Carpet Cows

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"The piano's in tune, but the house is a little flat."

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

We're with the gutter cleaning service ….

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."