Home Safety Comedian Gifts

Terror in the Kitchen

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

"You overwatered the plant, again."

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

Fire door.

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'No it's still not fixed'

"I forgot to turn on the alarm." "It's all right, Peedy is there."

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

How to Build a Bungalow

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"The piano's in tune, but the house is a little flat."

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

Oh, yeah, we love having a walk-out basement.

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

We're with the gutter cleaning service ….

"Let's pick up our cars now, 'kay Puddin'?"

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'That must be the termite inspector.'

Athlete

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

"So I said 'Would it kill you to do a little yardwork?'"

"Which area of the house is the most dangerous? A. Your wet bathroom, B. Your dirty kitchen, or C. Your cluttered garage?"

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

'You called a plumber!'

"Okay scouts, that ends today's online soldering session!"

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

'I forgot to close the door?...Seriously? Who puts a door on a hole?'

You can't beat a nice bit of skirting!

The ice maker is leaking. Nothing can be done about that now. It's water under the fridge. F and E Plumbing.

"Thor, honey, have you nailed that picture up yet?"

Penguin emerges from freezer. Man says: 'This freezer needs defrosting.'