Home Project Humorist Gifts

Laying Carpet

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'No it's still not fixed'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

How to Build a Bungalow

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

Carpet Cows

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'