Home Project Humorist Pillows

Laying Carpet

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

'I really hate cleaning this thing.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'No it's still not fixed'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

How to Build a Bungalow

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

Carpet Cows

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'Yep. I used to use chemical to strip wallpaper, but the cats are more efficient, and there's no nasty smell.'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"