Future Homeowner Humorist Pillows

'I've been trying to buy a condo in Vancouver! They say that real estate prices are going through the roof! At least that's how my agent explained the hole in the ceiling.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Pest Control

'Is the fire included?'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

How to Build a Bungalow

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

Carpet Cows

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'