Humor In Home Projects Pillows

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'No it's still not fixed'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

How to Build a Bungalow

Dog Bookends

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

Wallpapering 4

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'That must be the termite inspector.'

"So I said 'Would it kill you to do a little yardwork?'"

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

'Have a nice day, dear. . . no need to get up and make coffee.'

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

"The carpet really brings the room together."

Goldfish in Bowl, "And this is the sitting room and the bedroom and the toilet and...."

"We'll take it."

'I just find it interesting. You remember everything except where your dirty clothes go.'

'I forgot to close the door?...Seriously? Who puts a door on a hole?'