Home Maintenance Procrastinator Pillows

"Ok. Ok - After we probe you, we'll remind you to clean your gutters."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Yardless: Please help

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Man using to much bug spray

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'Congratulations! Our yard's been declared a national wilderness area!'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"The trees are laughing at us."

The household cavalry

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Timber preservation

Housewife: Out of Order.

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

Product Testing Department

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

"The mold cleaners are here! I gotta scram."