Cleaning Procrastinator Pillows

"Hey, I'm your alcohol-fuelled recurring hallucination, not your alcohol-fuelled recurring maid."

Wash Cycles.

"My house is really messy... I should probably just give up and move."

Housewife: Out of Order.

'I asked you to clean the fridge, not declutter it.'

"I don't think it's possible for your room to get any messier!"

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

Brad discovers what can happen when you don't wash your gym clothes...

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"This next song's from the soundtrack to the film of the book I never got around to writing."

Nethead strip: Over doing the time spent on the computer

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

Al, The Go-From Guy

'So you've finally got round to mowing the garden.'

'Hey, boss, what's a 7 letter work starting with 'w' that represents what I should be doing rather than solving crossword puzzles?'

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

'Work's the greatest thing on earth... so I'm saving some up for tomorrow!'

"What ever happened with that old shack you bought in the woods? You were going to rehab and flip it."

Invaders from Planet Manava.

"I might let the window box lay fallow, this season."

"That painting's not going to paint itself."

"The pastor can't be disturbed. He's preparing for Sunday's service."

'Do excuse Ed's immobility - he's being regulated.'

Holiday Shopping for Guys

"Man! I just had to pull another all-dayer."

Messing around on the internet when your boss thinks you're hard at work.

Why are you texting instead of working?

"Frankly, I could move a lot faster, but the truth is that I lack motivation..."

"The cat's sleeping." "She's so comfy." "If I move I'll wake her up." "The phone is ringing... They'll call back later." "I'm hungry... But it'll pass." "Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

"He should be there by now. He left for work an hour ago."