Cleaning Procrastinator Pillows

"Hey, I'm your alcohol-fuelled recurring hallucination, not your alcohol-fuelled recurring maid."

Wash Cycles.

"My house is really messy... I should probably just give up and move."

Housewife: Out of Order.

'I asked you to clean the fridge, not declutter it.'

"I don't think it's possible for your room to get any messier!"

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

Nethead strip: Over doing the time spent on the computer

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

Al, The Go-From Guy

'So you've finally got round to mowing the garden.'

'Work's the greatest thing on earth... so I'm saving some up for tomorrow!'

"What ever happened with that old shack you bought in the woods? You were going to rehab and flip it."

Invaders from Planet Manava.

'Hey, boss, what's a 7 letter work starting with 'w' that represents what I should be doing rather than solving crossword puzzles?'

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

"I might let the window box lay fallow, this season."

"The pastor can't be disturbed. He's preparing for Sunday's service."

"That painting's not going to paint itself."

"Man! I just had to pull another all-dayer."

Messing around on the internet when your boss thinks you're hard at work.

"Frankly, I could move a lot faster, but the truth is that I lack motivation..."

"He should be there by now. He left for work an hour ago."

"The cat's sleeping." "She's so comfy." "If I move I'll wake her up." "The phone is ringing... They'll call back later." "I'm hungry... But it'll pass." "Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

'I know, I know. I know. It was my turn to change the water filter. You don't have to keep reminding me.'

Why are you texting instead of working?

'I want to speak with you about your work habits.' 'You mean work is habit forming?'

Smug Colleagues Leaving Work.

Champagne cork stopping sand in hourglass