Hygiene Procrastinator Pillows

"Isn't it time you had your bath?"

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

You can tell when the blades get dull on your rotary nose-hair clippers.

Housewife: Out of Order.

'I'm not lazy - just resting before I get tired...'

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

'My arms are getting shorter.'

Nethead strip: Over doing the time spent on the computer

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

'Busy Dear ?' 'Just watching my exercise video.'

Al, The Go-From Guy

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

'Work's the greatest thing on earth... so I'm saving some up for tomorrow!'

'Hey, boss, what's a 7 letter work starting with 'w' that represents what I should be doing rather than solving crossword puzzles?'

Invaders from Planet Manava.

"The pastor can't be disturbed. He's preparing for Sunday's service."

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"How about fashionably never?"

"Can you send me a detailed list of knee exercises I could do at home but won't because I have no discipline."

"The doctor wants me to exercise more, so I need you to lift my feet even more when you're not vacuuming."

"Man! I just had to pull another all-dayer."

Messing around on the internet when your boss thinks you're hard at work.