Hygiene Procrastinator Gifts

"Isn't it time you had your bath?"

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

Brad discovers what can happen when you don't wash your gym clothes...

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

"This next song's from the soundtrack to the film of the book I never got around to writing."

Housewife: Out of Order.

You can tell when the blades get dull on your rotary nose-hair clippers.

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

'I'm not lazy - just resting before I get tired...'

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

Nethead strip: Over doing the time spent on the computer

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

'My arms are getting shorter.'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

Al, The Go-From Guy

'Busy Dear ?' 'Just watching my exercise video.'

Invaders from Planet Manava.

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

'Hey, boss, what's a 7 letter work starting with 'w' that represents what I should be doing rather than solving crossword puzzles?'

'Work's the greatest thing on earth... so I'm saving some up for tomorrow!'

'Do excuse Ed's immobility - he's being regulated.'

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"The pastor can't be disturbed. He's preparing for Sunday's service."

"Can you send me a detailed list of knee exercises I could do at home but won't because I have no discipline."

"How about fashionably never?"

I was a day late and a dollar short, but it was a personal best!

"The doctor wants me to exercise more, so I need you to lift my feet even more when you're not vacuuming."

Holiday Shopping for Guys

"Man! I just had to pull another all-dayer."

Messing around on the internet when your boss thinks you're hard at work.