Home Maintenance Warrior Pillows

'I found the termites!'

Dust bunnies -- No matter how much you clean … they just keep going and going and going …..

The good news is, I'm granting your request for house arrest. The bad news is your wife's to-do list.

Captain Pointy No.26 - Never at ease with house work

'We bought it as a bonsai tree!'

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

Yardless: Please help

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Man using to much bug spray

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"The trees are laughing at us."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Ernie likes to fix things around the house. Just today he's fixed two sandwiches, three sundaes, and some microwave brownies.

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

Moses unblocking the toilet.

The household cavalry

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

Timber preservation

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."