Home Repair Warrior Pillows

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

A DIY disaster.

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'It's O.K. Charlie - you can relax. The T.V. repairman said, 'it can be fixed!''

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

Lazy plumber.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Bob’s Museum

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

"Was it a fuse?"

A plumber preparing to go under a house's dark crawl space sees many eyes looking back from the darkness.

'Well, in the hands of my husbnd it's almost as lethal as a loaded gun.'

The Fuse

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."