Home Improvement Warrior Pillows

'What do you mean I'm not putting in any sweat equity? I sweat every time you give me a bill.'

"Mr. Do-It-Yourself was trying to build a better mouse trap."

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

Jack of all trades

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'I found the termites!'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

I did it my way.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

A DIY disaster.

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

Do-It-Yourself. Do-it-yourself-With-Good-Friends-and-Pizza-and-A-Few-Beers.

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

"It's just temporary, until I fix the air conditioner."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"Mulch madness"

Dummies Books.

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'