Home Improvement Warriors Pillows

At least our marriage is build on a solid foundation.

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Jack of all trades

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'I found the termites!'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

I did it my way.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"It's just temporary, until I fix the air conditioner."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

"Mulch madness"

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

'I'm so excited to be remodeling the bathroom'

"If you can successfully complete a building permit for your home renovation, you win a prize!"

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

"You'll have to excuse my Stuart. He's just showing off his new drill.

'Quick, press control Z!'

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

House for sale - some assembly required.

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"