Home Improvement Warriors Gifts

At least our marriage is build on a solid foundation.

Jack of all trades

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'I found the termites!'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

I did it my way.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

"It's just temporary, until I fix the air conditioner."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

"Mulch madness"

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

Dummies Books.

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

'I'm so excited to be remodeling the bathroom'

"You'll have to excuse my Stuart. He's just showing off his new drill.

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

"If you can successfully complete a building permit for your home renovation, you win a prize!"

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

'Quick, press control Z!'

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

House for sale - some assembly required.