Home Maintenance Buff Pillows

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Man using to much bug spray

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Yardless: Please help

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"The trees are laughing at us."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

The household cavalry

'I'm counter - intelligence'

Timber preservation

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"This condo includes free access to fitness facilities...7 flights of stairs."

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"