Home Maintenance Aficionado Pillows

'I don't know how I got rid of mildew before Henry got me the flamethrower.'

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Yardless: Please help

Man using to much bug spray

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

A DIY disaster.

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

"The trees are laughing at us."

Ernie likes to fix things around the house. Just today he's fixed two sandwiches, three sundaes, and some microwave brownies.

"I'm cleaning a little already, because the cleaning lady will be here soon!"

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

The household cavalry

Your Home Remodel Team

"It's a miracle I was able to build this desk all by myself. I'm not so handy."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

Timber preservation

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

Wallpapering with Nails

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'

"Was it a fuse?"

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."