Home Improvement Procrastinator Pillows

"EVERY weekend you say we're gonna fix this place up!"

"They don't look like the tools you'll need to put the kitchen shelves up with!"

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

Do-It-Yourself. Do-it-yourself-With-Good-Friends-and-Pizza-and-A-Few-Beers.

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

'I'm counter - intelligence'

Housewife: Out of Order.

"This condo includes free access to fitness facilities...7 flights of stairs."

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"Shall I kiss it better?"

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

"There's nothing like new carpeting to freshen up a place, I say."

WC problem.

"What ever happened with that old shack you bought in the woods? You were going to rehab and flip it."

'Here's a house that needs fixing up. Are you handy with money?'

'And you will stay here until the Andersons' bathroom renovation is finished entirely. You will not leave, not even for a moment...'

Painting the ceiling with a paint roller attached to an umbrella.

"I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!..."

"... 'Do it yourself enthusiast'?... No, George is more of a, 'cock it up yourself enthusiast'!"

"I see you ladies are admiring the Tuscan Blue."

Decluttering. . .

"Stop screwing around!"

"That painting's not going to paint itself."

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

A botched home improvement job.

'We're renovating.'

Another over-do-it-yourself project.

'I asked you to clean the fridge, not declutter it.'