Renovation Procrastinator Pillows

"What ever happened with that old shack you bought in the woods? You were going to rehab and flip it."

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

Housewife: Out of Order.

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

Nethead strip: Over doing the time spent on the computer

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

'I put Wilson on your project and last I heard he was all over it!'

'Hey, boss, what's a 7 letter work starting with 'w' that represents what I should be doing rather than solving crossword puzzles?'

'Work's the greatest thing on earth... so I'm saving some up for tomorrow!'

Invaders from Planet Manava.

"Well, you could wish for a new kitchen and a bathroom renovation; or alternatively you could just wish for a less idle husband."

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

"That painting's not going to paint itself."

"The pastor can't be disturbed. He's preparing for Sunday's service."

"How about fashionably never?"

"Man! I just had to pull another all-dayer."

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

Messing around on the internet when your boss thinks you're hard at work.

"Frankly, I could move a lot faster, but the truth is that I lack motivation..."

"He should be there by now. He left for work an hour ago."

"I find a good way to avoid stress is to close the curtains, climb into bed, and pull the covers over my head."

'I asked you to clean the fridge, not declutter it.'

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

Why are you texting instead of working?

'I want to speak with you about your work habits.' 'You mean work is habit forming?'