Renovation Procrastinator Pillows

"What ever happened with that old shack you bought in the woods? You were going to rehab and flip it."

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"This next song's from the soundtrack to the film of the book I never got around to writing."

Housewife: Out of Order.

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

Nethead strip: Over doing the time spent on the computer

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

'I put Wilson on your project and last I heard he was all over it!'

'Hey, boss, what's a 7 letter work starting with 'w' that represents what I should be doing rather than solving crossword puzzles?'

'Work's the greatest thing on earth... so I'm saving some up for tomorrow!'

Invaders from Planet Manava.

"Well, you could wish for a new kitchen and a bathroom renovation; or alternatively you could just wish for a less idle husband."

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

"The pastor can't be disturbed. He's preparing for Sunday's service."

Holiday Shopping for Guys

"That painting's not going to paint itself."

'Do excuse Ed's immobility - he's being regulated.'

I was a day late and a dollar short, but it was a personal best!

"How about fashionably never?"

"Man! I just had to pull another all-dayer."

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

Messing around on the internet when your boss thinks you're hard at work.

Why are you texting instead of working?

"Frankly, I could move a lot faster, but the truth is that I lack motivation..."

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

"I find a good way to avoid stress is to close the curtains, climb into bed, and pull the covers over my head."

'I asked you to clean the fridge, not declutter it.'

"He should be there by now. He left for work an hour ago."