Home Loss Gifts

'I used to have a home where the Buffaloes roamed - but it's been repossessed.'

Dog Walking Services

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

Very Difficult Conversations

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"Would you like to sleep through the film or the variety show?"

"I know. I miss him, too."

Man watches sales chart drop through the floor.

And when we came home, the entire anthill was gone... It was awful, Mom - but at least Harry and I still have each other...

'I think I've finally found a fixer-upper in your price range.'

'You lost your home and farm. Do you want to talk about it?

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

Having installed a hydraulically operated wall in their 25-year-old's bedroom...

'I wish these wings were for more than show.'

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

Living together, couple in love.

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

'Your indestructible portfolio will go kablooey just before your indestructible marriage goes kablooey.'

Broken Heart

I'm home! Where are my pipe and slippers? At the tobacco shop and the shoe store, respectively.

The apartment 5-J Film Festival.

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

''On behalf of my colleagues I wanted to let you know that we are all crying inside.''

Day 4 of self-isolation and the strain was showing.

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

'Do excuse Ed's immobility - he's being regulated.'

Dog Statue

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."