Personal Loss Gifts

'I've lost my job, my wife and kids, the house, what the hell else could possibly go wrong?!"

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

Very Difficult Conversations

'He was a great writer'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"I told you, if you're looking for a road map for your life, that's all you're gonna get."

Setting out the bedding plants was one of his few remaining pleasures,

"I know. I miss him, too."

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

"The Lord brings people together for reasons only he knows."

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

'I wish these wings were for more than show.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

Postcards from Heaven...

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

What Sisyphus Learned: "When life gets rough, you sure find out who your friends are!"

"So, Gilbert was your friend who fought in Vietnam?"

'Grief counselling'

Here lies BoBo the Clown

Broken Heart

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

"Sorry, wrong room."

"What? Too soon?"

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."