Home Hygiene Guru Gifts

Bed Bugs after a materess flipping

The Environmentalist

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

Food waste with recycling symbol

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Cat Panels. Cats soak up sun on rooftop like solar panels.

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

I'm organizing the house. Can I help? Do you have any storage bins for stuff we don't use very often? Hold on. I have just the thing! Thanks, mom.

House for sale - some assembly required.

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

"He's got SUCH greasy hair, and dandruff like you wouldn't believe!"

Spring Cleaning

Solar Power.

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

Heavy-duty, super-capacity, two speeds, 10 cycles. All of them vicious.

'Why not Google it?'

Planning permission REFUSED...

'That'll be $50 plus $200 to repair the damage you made trying to fix it yourself.'

"You see? You gotta turn it counter-clockwise."

"Everything you need for self-assembly."

'Hmmmm...lower.'

Umbrella Roof

Cinderella mopping up

Environmental Protection Agency. Scott Pruitt, Administrator.

Person made from 100% recycled materials.

"Namaste."

'I have to ask you this before I say yes to a date - you don't contribute to global warming very often, do you?'

'Useful Drywall Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Drywall Screws.'