Home Defense Advocate Gifts

Confronting the burglars.

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Mod Kwan Doh

Justice 4 Ron

'We like to spend 51 weeks of the year at our Florida holiday home...'

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

'How long did you try before calling?'

"Bloody houseflies...."

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

We all have our jobs to do here --- You guard against burglars and I'm the food critic.

Of Congress can't come to an agreement on a spending plan...

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

'I'd go small with this burglar. Way too much collateral damage with the cannon.'

"My pappy built this shell with his bare claws. I'll be damned if some freeloader moves in."

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

No Tread on Me

Man with fly swat - Let the games begin.

Castle Cat Flap

From learning how to use an oven to overthrowing the system.

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

How do you keep cats out of your garden? I catch the little sneaks

"My husband took the kids to Disneyland for the weekend, so the 'happiest place on earth' is actually right here."

"My husband has a thing about double glazing salesmen."

' ...so we decided to put in our own flood protection scheme.'

"I'm afraid you have Zoom fatigue."

'-with every bottle comes our free Jujitsu course!'

You shouldn't be embarrassed

Pest Control

"Humans are really the bane of tree-snakes..."

You Left The Gas On...

Door to door salesman sees sign: 'We have everything.'

'George, this new home security system you bought...how much did it cost?'

"This is a fine time to remember you forgot to pay our homeowner's insurance!"

"Now I remember what I wanted to tell you. The safety stop on the garage door doesn't work anymore."