Home Defense Hero Gifts

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'Caw blimey!'

The household cavalry

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

'Look! It's superwoman...and all her assistants!'

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

'Daddy, what did you do on Armed Services Day?'

"I did my 10,000 steps by looking for my reading glasses."

'Ladies no more messy pet hairs to worry about with the Decko Dynamic!'

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

And so Bob's folks sent him off into the world. But not before running a few last tests, just to be sure he could handle it.

man juggling career, home and children

"I wish you'd get more in touch with your masculine side, Robert"

Rising Housing Costs vs Wages.

"Okay, you two! Clean up the house and do the laundry while I take the kids to school!"

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

'A great location and only one step from the beach.'

"I only need two tools: WD-40 if something doesn't move that should, and duct tape if something moves that shouldn't!"

'How long did you try before calling?'

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

'Love your renovations.'

"I'm going to look for a mortgage...I may be some time!"

I put a feather pillow in the dryer by mistake! The repairman looked at me and said: 'Sorry about your duck!'

"Let me know when the floor is clean enough for me to put my feet on it again."

"Sloth is a sin."

"Being a mum is a full-time job."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"Bloody houseflies...."

Man of steel wool.