Home Decor Critic Gifts

"I must say I liked the clouds much better than the new indoor-outdoor carpet."

"I like looking at amateur porn, because I like seeing other people's apartments."

"Let's explore why you detest my throw pillows."

"I remember when walls weren't so bossy."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"You're welcome."

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

'You do realise that's pot pourii?'

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

'...Couldn't you just get pictures for your desk?'

"Hedge-fund managers have to have something over their sofas, too."

Posh Easter Egg

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

"We're looking for something more over-the-couch-ish."

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

Pea green

King Madras

"Dave, we need to talk about office props and work productivity."

'Yes,I did bag him from a treestand.How did you guess?'

'I love what you've not done with the place.'

Woman crushed under satin sheets.