Home Decor Critic Pillows

"I must say I liked the clouds much better than the new indoor-outdoor carpet."

"I like looking at amateur porn, because I like seeing other people's apartments."

"Let's explore why you detest my throw pillows."

"I remember when walls weren't so bossy."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"You're welcome."

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

'You do realise that's pot pourii?'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'...Couldn't you just get pictures for your desk?'

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

Posh Easter Egg

"Hedge-fund managers have to have something over their sofas, too."

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

"We're looking for something more over-the-couch-ish."

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

King Madras

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

Pea green

"Dave, we need to talk about office props and work productivity."

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

'Yes,I did bag him from a treestand.How did you guess?'

Woman crushed under satin sheets.

'I love what you've not done with the place.'