Home Gifts

"Nation-wise, we're in a pickle."

"Don't look Beryl! We've either had burglars or grandchildren!"

"You rang?"

'Beware of the Dog poo'

"Would you like to borrow my dishwasher?"

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

Kid to sister after breaking vase: 'Please don't tell on me. And if you do, don't tell that I told you not to tell on me.'

'I had no idea sticky-notes had expiration dates.'

'Come on honey, roll over. You know the Chiropractor said it's not good for you to sleep on your stomach.'

The Lockdown Passport

It seems so big now that the kids are gone.

'I miss home.' - 'Sometimes it feels like we never left.'

"My client is being more than fair. She is willing to let you keep all the shoes and the house."

I don't care if they are a protected species, Henry, I'm calling the exterminator!!

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

'Oh Doris!! I just love what you've done with the place!!'

'Is it still snowing outside dear?'

'I warmed up your side.'

'They can never seem to take a hint that we don't want them over. We constantly lock them out. Still, somehow they always managed to get in.'

"Remember you said you had nowhere to put your Russian doll?"

'What a way to start a marriage, losing the key to the front door!'

"Who are these people, and what are they doing in my home?"

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'I'm not asking for the world...but couldn't you at least run the dishwasher while I'm out jumping over the moon?'

'That's not exactly a vote of confidence.'

'There's no place like home. The overwhelming smell for a start.'

'No wet paws in Kitchen'

Billy strip: same house all your life.

'If this isn't rich beyond your wildest dreams, your dreams aren't wild enough.'

'Needless to say, I'm feeling frisky.'

'Thank you for folding up the sleeper sofa, Dear. Have you seen Mother?'

Flatware for mums

'Did you see her slyly turn off the heating?'

Teddy queuing for the Bathroom

"You've become very predictable, Jack - home every night!"