Domestic Gifts

"Clark...is there something you'd like to tell me?"

A crowd of happy pet owners.

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Did you remember to take the trash in?"

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

Ironing day.

"I don't do windows."

'She'll never look for me here.'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'You're doing that just to bug me, aren't you?'

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

Teddy queuing for the Bathroom

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

10 Commandments if God was a Woman...

'He has his pet and I have mine.'

"Did I hear you use the phrase 'Earn my keep'?"

Cook being told what to do by housemaid

'Mr. Fitzburger, didn't we agree on a no-pets-in-the-apartment policy?!!'

"Congratulations, Figbert. I'm making you Vice President in charge of my wife's Honey-Do-List."

'The economy today got a boost from Alan Greenspan, who said it's O.K. to be irrationally exuberant.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

"Come on... you love knocking things off the counter!"

"You'll have to fetch your own slippers. The dog resigned."

"Look what I bought to encourage visitors to go home early."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'