Domestic Service Gifts

Cook being told what to do by housemaid

Maid

A crowd of happy pet owners.

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"I don't do windows."

Ironing day.

The household cavalry

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

"I have my pants put on one leg at a time."

"And this latest robot vacuum can fetch a glass of wine while it cleans your floors!"

"Congratulations, Figbert. I'm making you Vice President in charge of my wife's Honey-Do-List."

"Did I hear you use the phrase 'Earn my keep'?"

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

Heavy-duty, super-capacity, two speeds, 10 cycles. All of them vicious.

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

Those missing socks...where do they go?

'Hello, is that the employment agency? It's about the domestic you sent me.'

Cook asking for her vinaigrette after recieving an offer from the dustman

The kitchen at Abel Cottage

Servant running after a couple dressed up for a fancy ball with the door-key

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

Kit makes an appointment

'Well at least your washing up arm is O.K!'

Master of the house states that he will be detained in the city on business when he learns that there is cold mutton for dinner.

'My Graham is very house-proud.'

'Oh my god, it's the Grim Housekeeper!'

Maid

Cook in interview explaining she left her last post because her employee did not like her singing

"Her ladyship isn't in—wait, yes, no—so sorry, she's out."

Labor abuse

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"Well he's sweating, pale, and out of breath, but then again he's not used to being home doing the housework."

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."