Domestic Responsibilities Gifts

'I'll tell you what mister - I'll lose ten pounds and stop nagging, the same day you act your age, cleanup after yourself, cook your own food and get a brain in that fat head.'

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

The Missing Sock Returns

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

When laundry ruled the waves.

Kitchen Tetris

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

Neighbor Leaf Wars

"Looks like Harriet mixed her lights and darks again."

Ironing day.

Woman simutaneously playing the cello and washing man in bath's back

"You get back here this minute, young man! You're not going anywhere until you clean your room!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

The household cavalry

'He's not here right now. He's out pumping iron.'

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

Pest Control

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

Futile Little Snow Shoveler Guy Snow Globe

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

'Whenever Mat gets a little over-confident, I tell him to try to fold a fitted bed sheet.'

"I have my pants put on one leg at a time."

Separation Anxiety

"And this latest robot vacuum can fetch a glass of wine while it cleans your floors!"

"So what if they notice a stain? Everyone gets tummy aches. Besides, we’re conserving energy."

Tortoise polishing his shell

Cook being told what to do by housemaid

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

"Congratulations, Figbert. I'm making you Vice President in charge of my wife's Honey-Do-List."

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

Child doing the washing up

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

'Sorting the laundry is hell.'