Home Responsibility Gifts

"Sorry I didn't take out the garbage."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Let's get organized

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

Covid Inquiry / Enquiry

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Biofelineism

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

The Missing Sock Returns

When laundry ruled the waves.

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

A Vase has fallen on a cat's head. Are mice to blame?

Self-Isolating. Do Not Disturb (Except For Food).

Kitchen Tetris

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

Neighbor Leaf Wars

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

A Day In The Kitchen

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

"Looks like Harriet mixed her lights and darks again."

'I'm glad you're able to be with us more, but I'd appreciate it if you'd say you're 'spending time' with us, not 'doing time' with us.'

"By labeling it, I control it."

"Attention, everyone! Here comes Poppa, and we're going to drive dull care away! It's quips and cranks and wanton wiles, nods and becks and wreathed smiles."

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"Do you have a minute, Bob? I'd like to speak with you about the concept of 'leadership'."

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'