Domestic Responsibility Humorist Gifts

"I shaved with detergent, did the dishes with shaving cream and showered with dishwasher soap. It all came out the same."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

"You overwatered the plant, again."

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"But I use all of them!"

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'I'm really thirsty.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'