Domestic Responsibility Humorist Pillows

"I shaved with detergent, did the dishes with shaving cream and showered with dishwasher soap. It all came out the same."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'I really hate cleaning this thing.'

"You overwatered the plant, again."

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"But I use all of them!"

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'I'm really thirsty.'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'