Comedian Of Domestic Life Pillows

"Well if these walls could talk, I'm pretty sure they'd agree with me."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"The couch hates me Jane!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"But I use all of them!"

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'I thought you said, 'What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom'!'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

How it started: How it's going

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

"I'm getting awfully tired of raking up you underwear..."

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

"Dinner will be ready soon, I hear the pizza truck rounding the corner."

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

Man to wife about book: 'Honey, I think the novel wants out.'

"That's not the thrum and rumble of the great metropolis -- that''s the dishwasher."