Domestic Dynamics Comedian Pillows

"We met on a self catering holiday and he's still there!"

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

'Hold on, Baby, Hold on!'

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"But I use all of them!"

"You overwatered the plant, again."

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

"I'm getting awfully tired of raking up you underwear..."

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

2050 A. D: Cloning is quite common place.

'Since we've been married thirty years, Lester, I think it's time to face up to the fact that we've been seeing too much of each other.'

Man to wife about book: 'Honey, I think the novel wants out.'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

"Dinner will be ready soon, I hear the pizza truck rounding the corner."

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

"The five-second rule doesn't apply to soup."

"That's not the thrum and rumble of the great metropolis -- that''s the dishwasher."